Behold the annual migration of the world’s most self-important vultures to the Swiss Alps. The World Economic Forum at Davos is once again underway, providing a scenic backdrop for the global elite to pretend they care about the plebeians they’ve spent the rest of the year fleecing. But this year, the usual vapid chatter about 'stakeholder capitalism' has been punctured by a more primitive, bludgeoning force. The American President is arriving not with an olive branch, but with a ledger and a map, demanding the purchase of Greenland as if he’s trying to finish a particularly aggressive game of Monopoly before bedtime.

It is truly a masterclass in geopolitical toddlerhood. The plan is simple, or perhaps just simple-minded: demand a semi-autonomous territory from Denmark, and when they inevitably refuse to hand over their land like a submissive vassal state, threaten to burn the global trade network to the ground. The weapon of choice is the tariff—that blunt instrument favored by those who failed basic arithmetic but excelled at schoolyard extortion. Starting at 10% next month and scaling to a staggering 25% by June, these levies are aimed at Denmark and seven other allies. It’s a strategy that treats international diplomacy not as a delicate dance of mutual interests, but as a hostage negotiation where the hostage is the global economy and the kidnapper is remarkably bad at math.

The irony, of course, is thicker than the Arctic ice Trump is so desperate to pave over. While he claims his administration is dedicated to tamping down the high cost of living—a plight real people actually suffer through—his solution is to tax the very goods those people consume. Apparently, the secret to making groceries cheaper is to start a trade war with Europe over a giant, frozen rock. One has to admire the cognitive dissonance required to believe that increasing the cost of imports will somehow lead to a utopia of low prices. It’s the kind of economic theory one usually finds scribbled in crayon on the back of a failing casino’s bankruptcy filing.

And what of the Europeans? The Danish leadership, along with their EU counterparts, are currently performing their signature move: the indignant shrug. They speak of 'sovereignty' and 'international norms,' acting as if they haven't been coasting on American military protection and trade lopsidedness for decades. They are shocked—shocked!—that a man who views the world as a series of hostile takeovers would treat them like a distressed asset. Their performative outrage is as hollow as the promises made in a Davos keynote speech. They will retreat into their bureaucracies, issue sternly worded memos, and pray that the storm passes before their own stagnant economies catch a cold.

Meanwhile, the American Left will spend the next week in a state of high-octane pearl-clutching. They will lament the 'death of diplomacy' and the 'shaming of the nation,' conveniently forgetting that their own version of international relations involves drone-striking weddings while maintaining a polite tone. They hate the messenger so much they’ve forgotten that the message—that the world is a cold, transactional slaughterhouse—is the one they’ve been practicing for years behind closed doors. They prefer their imperialism with a side of soy milk and a lecture on inclusivity; Trump just gives it to them raw, and they can't stand the sight of the blood.

The reality is that Greenland is just a MacGuffin. It doesn't matter if it has rare earth minerals or strategic value for the next Cold War. It is a symbol of a decaying Western order where the only language left is the threat. We are witnessing the final stages of a civilization that has run out of ideas. On one side, we have a man who wants to buy an island with other people's money and pay for it by making his own citizens poorer. On the other, we have a global elite who think that if they just hold enough panel discussions on 'sustainability,' the glaciers will stop melting and the angry man with the tariffs will go away.

As the private jets clog the runways in Switzerland, dumping tons of carbon into the air so billionaires can discuss the environment, remember that you are the one who will pay the 25% markup on your next European-made necessity. You are the collateral damage in a vanity project that spans from the White House to the fjords of Nuuk. The cost of living will continue to climb, the politicians will continue to preen, and the Arctic will continue to melt, indifferent to the fact that it’s being appraised by a man who thinks the North Pole is a prime location for a gold-leafed steakhouse. Welcome to the future; it’s expensive, it’s cold, and the people in charge are idiots.