Welcome to the Lone Star State, where the air is thick with the scent of diesel and desperation. We find ourselves staring into the abyss of another political campaign cycle, where the intellectual bar has been lowered so far it’s currently being inspected by tectonic plates. Enter the latest champion of the suburban anxiety brigade, a candidate whose grasp of global economics is roughly equivalent to a toddler’s understanding of quantum field theory. Her rallying cry? "Collin, Dallas, not Calcutta, Delhi." It’s a rhyme. Because, as we all know, if a policy statement doesn't sound like a Dr. Seuss reject, the average voter might accidentally have to think, and we wouldn't want to cause any cranial hemorrhages in the checkout line at the local mega-mart. This isn't just a campaign promise; it's a desperate plea for attention from the most intellectually malnourished segment of the electorate.

The proposal is as simple as it is sociopathic: deport H-1B visa holders and force whatever remnants of the "foreign" population are left into a state of "assimilation." It’s the kind of red meat that sends the MAGA-adjacent crowd into a frenzy, ignoring the inconvenient reality that the very technology they use to post their xenophobic rants was likely maintained by the people they want to exile. It’s a masterclass in biting the hand that feeds you, provided that hand is also writing the algorithms that keep you addicted to outrage. On the other side, the performative Left will clutch their artisanal pearls, weeping into their fair-trade lattes about "inclusion" while continuing to profit from the same hyper-capitalist structures that make H-1B visas a form of high-tech indentured servitude in the first place. Both sides are trapped in a feedback loop of stupidity, unable to see the forest for the burning trees of their own hypocrisy.

Let’s dissect the "assimilation" demand. What exactly are these people supposed to assimilate into? The Texas suburbs are a sprawling monument to mediocrity, a beige wasteland of strip malls, chain restaurants, and existential dread. To "assimilate" here is to trade a rich cultural heritage for a loyalty card at a steakhouse and a burning desire to own a truck you don't need for a job you hate. It’s an invitation to join the Great American Stagnation, where the highest form of civic engagement is complaining about the HOA’s rules on trash can placement. The candidate isn't asking for integration; she's asking for a cultural lobotomy that replaces nuance with a blind devotion to the local high school football team. It is the ultimate arrogance of the mediocre to assume that their vacuous lifestyle is a pinnacle to be reached rather than a pit to be avoided.

The H-1B program is, of course, its own special brand of disaster—but not for the reasons our Texan firebrand thinks. It’s a tool for corporate behemoths to suppress wages and tie workers to a single employer, effectively creating a professional class that can’t quit without risking immediate deportation. It’s a capitalist’s fever dream. Yet, the candidate wants to dismantle it not to free the workers, but to satisfy a primitive "us versus them" instinct that dates back to the Pleistocene. She views these highly skilled professionals—doctors, engineers, researchers—as some kind of invading force, rather than the literal backbone of the modern economy she claims to want to protect. It’s a hilarious irony: the people she wants to kick out are the only ones capable of fixing the infrastructure that’s currently crumbling around her ears while she shouts into her megaphone.

And then there’s the rhyme. "Collin, Dallas, not Calcutta, Delhi." It’s the linguistic equivalent of a participation trophy. It implies that geography is destiny and that the mere presence of a different zip code of origin is an existential threat to the sanctity of a Dallas suburb. It’s a cynical play on the fears of a shrinking middle class that has been told for decades that their problems are caused by people with accents, rather than the suits in the boardrooms who shipped their manufacturing jobs to the highest bidder years ago. By focusing on the visa holders, the candidate provides a convenient villain that doesn't require her to challenge the actual power structures that keep her constituents in a state of perpetual debt and anxiety. It’s a magician’s trick, but instead of a rabbit, she’s pulling a scapegoat out of her hat.

In the end, this is just another chapter in the long, boring book of human tribalism. We are a species of hairless apes who have learned to use smartphones but still want to throw rocks at the ape from the next valley over. The Texas candidate is just the latest ventriloquist for this ancient, ugly impulse. She offers no solutions to the actual crises of our time—economic inequality, the total erosion of the social contract, or the fact that our culture is as shallow as a parking lot puddle—only a catchy couplet and a promise to make someone else suffer. It’s pathetic, it’s predictable, and it’s exactly what the public deserves for letting their brains turn to mush. Enjoy the "assimilation," Texas. It looks a lot like a slow death in a traffic jam on the I-635.