If you listen closely, you can hear the faint, wheezing sound of the post-World War II international order finally choking on its own vomit. It was inevitable, really. For decades, we have watched the United Nations devolve from a hopeful assembly of nations into a glorified catering hall for dictators and bureaucrats who think a 'strongly worded resolution' constitutes a weapon of war. But now, in a twist of irony so sharp it could sever an artery, the UN has handed the keys to the asylum to the one man guaranteed to burn the building down for the insurance money: Donald Trump.

Here is the situation, stripped of the diplomatic euphemisms that usually make international news so unbearably dull. The UN, in a fit of what can only be described as masochistic desperation, handed the American President a mandate to lead a 'Board of Peace.' The ostensible goal was to stabilize the Middle East, a region that has famously resisted stabilization for several thousand years. The idea, presumably, was that Trump’s unique brand of chaotic negotiation—which usually involves shouting until the other side gives up out of sheer exhaustion—might succeed where generations of nuanced diplomacy failed.

However, because we live in the stupidest possible timeline, the result has been exactly what any functioning adult could have predicted. Instead of using this mandate to actually address the firestorm in the Middle East, Trump appears to be using the 'Board of Peace' to construct a parallel universe of diplomacy that renders the UN obsolete. He isn’t fixing the conflict; he is franchising it. The 'Board of Peace' sounds less like a diplomatic body and more like a homeowners association for oligarchs, a place where the bylaws are written in gold sharpie and the only rule is that you must applaud the chairman.

It is truly a marvel of modern grift. The United Nations, an organization so bloated it possesses its own gravitational pull, essentially invited a corporate raider into the boardroom. They thought he would help manage the accounts; instead, he is stripping the copper wiring out of the walls and preparing to launch a competitor. We are witnessing the 'Uber-fication' of global diplomacy. Why rely on the slow, regulated, legacy service of the UN when you can hail a 'Board of Peace' ride that ignores all traffic laws, smells like cheap cologne, and charges you surge pricing for survival?

But the true brilliance—if one can call it that—of this entire charade is the fate of the Middle East itself. Remember them? The people actually suffering? The region this 'Board' was explicitly created to stabilize? They have been sidelined entirely. In the grand wrestling match between the UN’s institutional ego and Trump’s personal ego, the actual wars and humanitarian crises have become mere background decoration. The conflict in the Middle East is now just the mood lighting for a power struggle between a New York real estate developer and a global bureaucracy of career paper-pushers.

It makes a sickening sort of sense. To actually solve a conflict requires work. It requires understanding history, nuance, and the grim reality of human suffering. None of these things are marketable. They don't look good on a hat. However, launching a new brand—the 'Board of Peace'—is easy. It offers all the prestige of statesmanship with none of the tedious requirements of actually saving lives. Trump is competing with the UN not by doing their job better, but by proving that the job itself is irrelevant if you have better marketing.

So, where does this leave us? On one side, we have the United Nations, a feckless giant that has spent seventy years proving it cannot stop a war to save its life. On the other, we have the 'Board of Peace,' a vanity project led by a man who views geopolitics as a zero-sum game of real estate acquisition. And in the middle, we have the actual world, burning quietly while the firefighters argue over who gets to wear the shiny helmet.

Do not mistake this for a tragedy; a tragedy implies that something of value is being lost. This is a farce. The UN is being cannibalized by the very monster it tried to leash, and the 'Board of Peace' is actively ignoring the war it was hired to stop. It is the perfect encapsulation of our era: a loud, expensive, and ultimately hollow spectacle where the only thing being stabilized is the ego of the man in charge.