I find myself once again staring at the reports trickling out of Davos, that annual migration of the world's most overpaid parasites to a Swiss ski resort, and I am struck by a singular, crushing realization: we are being governed by toddlers in bespoke suits. The World Economic Forum has commenced, and with it, the usual parade of private jets has descended upon the Alps to discuss ‘stability’ while the rest of us wonder if we’ll be able to afford eggs next month. It is a spectacle of such profound hypocrisy that I find it difficult to breathe, though that might just be the thin, oxygen-deprived air of intellectual superiority these people inhale like cheap cigars.

Let’s look at the primary actors in this tragicomedy. On one side, we have the European Union’s human embodiment of a 'Please Do Not Walk On The Grass' sign, Ursula von der Leyen. She is currently vibrating with the kind of bureaucratic anxiety usually reserved for a misfiled expense report. She warns of an 'escalation spiral' with the United States. To Ursula and her cohort of Brussels paper-pushers, everything is a 'spiral' or a 'framework' or a 'challenge.' They speak in a language designed to say absolutely nothing while maintaining the illusion of competence. Her great strategy against the impending trade war? Warning. She is warning. I am sure the prospect of a sternly worded memo from a woman who looks like she manages a very expensive HR department is currently keeping Donald Trump awake at night.

And then there is Trump himself, the orange specter of chaos who has returned to the global stage with all the subtlety of a flashbang in a library. His opening gambit? Tariffs. More tariffs. It is the only tool in his belt—a blunt instrument he uses to bludgeon a global economy that is already held together by duct tape and the collective delusions of Wall Street. But the piece de resistance, the absolute peak of this mountain of stupidity, is the return of the Greenland debate. Only a man with the soul of a 1980s Atlantic City real estate developer could look at a massive, ice-covered autonomous territory and think, 'I should buy that and put a hotel on it.' It’s not diplomacy; it’s a shopping spree fueled by ego and a fundamental misunderstanding of how sovereignty works. Yet, the Davos crowd treats this with the gravity of a Holy Relic, because they are terrified of a man who treats the global order like a Monopoly board he’s about to flip over because he’s losing.

The 'transatlantic order' is the phrase being tossed around like a stale appetizer at a networking cocktail hour. Let’s be honest: this 'order' was never anything more than a polite agreement between the predatory classes of two continents to make sure their stock portfolios remained healthy while the working class was sold into the debt-slavery of 'globalization.' Now that the actors are changing and the masks are slipping, everyone is panicked. The Right thinks slapping taxes on French wine will somehow bring back manufacturing jobs that were automated into oblivion twenty years ago. The Left, or what passes for it in the EU, thinks that if they just talk enough about 'green transitions' and 'digital sovereignty,' the big bad bully from Queens will go away and leave their fragile bureaucracy alone. Both sides are equally delusional, and both are equally useless.

I was particularly revolted by the mention of the 'SMS from Macron and Trump.' The fate of millions, the stability of global trade, and the potential for a catastrophic economic meltdown are apparently being negotiated via text message. We have reached the point where the most powerful men on earth are governed by the same technology used by teenagers to send 'u up?' messages at three in the morning. It is the ultimate trivialization of power. It perfectly encapsulates the Davos ethos: a shallow, performative high-stakes game played by people who will never actually suffer the consequences of their own incompetence. If the tariffs hit, the people in this room will just charge more for their consulting fees. If the 'escalation spiral' continues, they’ll just buy more gold.

Davos isn't about solving problems; it’s about the 'elite' reassuring themselves that they are still relevant. They stand on a mountain and look down on a world they’ve broken, then have the audacity to charge five thousand dollars for a vegan sandwich while discussing 'inequality.' I am tired of the warnings. I am tired of the threats. I am tired of the Greenland real estate pitches. If the transatlantic order is finally collapsing under the weight of its own vanity and greed, then let it fall. My only regret is that the inevitable crash won't happen while they're all still trapped on that mountain together.