WASHINGTON—In a last-ditch diplomatic effort to shield the European economy from looming 100% tariffs, French President Emmanuel Macron reportedly arrived at the White House Tuesday, climbed silently onto Donald Trump’s lap, and remained perfectly still so the President could idly scratch him behind the ears.

Sources inside the Oval Office confirmed that the high-stakes negotiation began when a trembling Macron presented Trump with a bowl of warm Diet Coke before curling up into a ball on the President’s knees, hoping the display of submissive affection would save the French wine industry.

“The relationship between our two nations is complex, but I believe that if I let him pet my head while I make a low, soothing purring sound, he will forget about the tax on Camembert,” Macron told reporters in a whisper while nuzzling his face into Trump’s midsection to demonstrate loyalty. “I have prepared for this. I have practiced being a good boy. If I must chase a laser pointer around the Rose Garden to protect the Peugeot supply chain, I will do what must be done.”

At press time, the strategy appeared to be backfiring, as a bored Trump had reportedly pushed Macron off his lap to tweet that he was imposing a 50% duty on baguettes because the French President “sheds too much.”